VSGATES | Tips for parents

How can you prevent your child getting involved with gangs?

How to tell if your child is involved in a gang?

What can you do if your child is involved in a gang?

Consequences for you

Who can help?

How can you prevent your child getting involved with gangs?

The best way you can prevent your child getting involved in gangs is by talking to them.

There are many other things you can do which may make it less likely that your child will get involved with gangs.

Keep involved in your child’s life:

· praise and acknowledge your child’s achievements and effort

· make your child proud of the family roots

· talk more to your child

· if you can, get involved with your child’s school and after school activities

· encourage your child to take part in after school activities, clubs etc.

· take the time to get to know your child’s friends and their families

Help your child to lead a positive life:

· be a good role model – remember children learn from what they see and experience at home

· encourage good study and play habits

· help them to think about risks and danger – to themselves and others

· teach them how to cope with peer pressure

· teach them how to deal with conflict without using violence

You are the parent and discipline is an integral part of a child’s upbringing:

· set limits and boundaries

· stick to your rules and avoid double standards – always set a good example

· teach them that actions have consequences, and that they should always have respect for others

· don’t let younger children stay out late or spend a lot of time on the streets

· limit access to alcohol, and if you do let them drink, keep an eye on how much

Lastly, don’t be afraid to ask for help, there are many other people that can support you. Speak to other parents, your child’s friends, other family members as they will see your child when you’re not there and by communicating together you can all watch out for the signs.

How to tell if your child is involved in a gang?

There are some signs you can watch out for that can show possible gang involvement. While almost all of them are normal teenage behaviours, you might want to take action if many of the signs are shown at the same time.

Here are some examples of changes in behaviour to watch out for:

· has your child seemed distant or detached from the family?

· is there a sudden loss of interest in school, or have they stopped attending school?

· has their school work suddenly started to get worse – for example have they had worse grades or bad reports?

· has the school or college reported worrying changes in behaviour?

· has your child dropped out of any after school clubs or activities?

· have they started to use new slang words?

· do they suddenly have unexplained money or possessions (e.g. new trainers, two mobile phones?

· have they started to stay out late without giving a reason, or are they vague about who they are out with?

· do they have a new nickname?

· is there a new person in their life who they appear to be influenced or led by?

· have they lost touch with old friends and just hang around with one group?

· do they have aggressive or intimidating views towards other young people – even old friends?

· do you think they might be using or dealing drugs?

There are some visual signs that you can look out for too:

· has there been a sudden change in appearance – like dressing in a particular style or colour similar to all the other people they hang around with?

· have there been any unexplained physical injuries?

· have they started to use graffiti style ‘tags’ (signatures) on possessions, school books, walls or buildings?

· have they started displaying signs of group behaviour: ways of talking and acting in line with other members of the group, or perhaps using hand signs?

There are also some things you may need to be aware of:

· girls are increasingly likely to be gang members

· gangs will often have profiles on networking websites like Myspace or Bebo, so be aware of what your child is doing on the internet

· internet chat rooms and text messages can be used to bully people into joining gangs (bullying, intimidation and peer pressure play a large part in gang recruitment)

· chat rooms and texts can also be used to organise crime or violence

What can you do if your child is involved in a gang?

If you have discovered your child is already in gang, you will need to try and talk to them first, but this may be very difficult as your child could be either unwilling or too scared to talk about their gang involvement with you. It is important to reinforce that your child always has choices, even when they don’t think they do and that you as their parent/guardian are there to listen and support them.

The way you approach them is crucial and you will find it easier if you:

· stay calm and rational, no matter how upset you are

· ask questions, rather than making accusations or rash statements

· listen carefully to what they say without interrupting them

· really try to understand the situation from their point of view and why they have joined the gang

· ask them what you can do to help, rather than telling them what they have to do.

· point out the risks and consequences of carrying, or worse still using a gun or a knife (remember that many people who are hurt by guns or knives have their own weapon used against them)

· try to come up with an agreement on what to do next, rather than issuing ultimatums.

· work with them to find alternatives to being in the gang

Finally, there are many organisations or youth services within the local community who can help you. They can offer mentoring, mediation and other ways to help your child leave the gang. You may want to consider speaking to the safer schools police officer at their school or your local community support officer.

Consequences for you

All parents are held responsible for their child’s behaviour. Therefore it’s important for you to act, once you are aware your child is involved in criminal activity. It could be that you as the parent is punished, for example If a child is excluded from school for persistent bad behaviour, or criminal behaviour such as carrying a knife, then the parents can be given a Parenting Order by the courts. This is designed to improve the child’s behaviour and make the parents take responsibility for their child’s behaviour.

If you are subject to a Parenting Order, you may have to attend counselling or a parenting programme for up to three months. You may also have to meet some or all of these conditions:

· attend meetings with teachers at your child’s school

· make sure your child does not go to certain places unsupervised

· make sure your child is at home at certain times of the day

These conditions can last for up to 12 months. A parent or carer can be prosecuted for failing to meet the conditions of a Parenting Order.

However the consequences could be a lot worse. If your child is involved in a gang they are more at risk of committing crime, dealing or taking drugs, ending up in prison, being a victim or violence or even death.

Who can help?

Call the GATES lines for support, advice and information on 0800 458 9109.

There are a number of organisations that can help, however this does differ between each borough, please see our Useful Links section or go to www.direct.gov.uk/talkaboutknives for more general advice.